HORSES THAT DON'T LIKE MEN
To be clear, this horse, in this picture, at this time, is afraid of everyone, not just men. But I thought the picture fitting.
Have you ever heard someone say, "My horse doesn't like men." or "My horse is afraid of men?"
The truth is horses aren't afraid of just men. But they can be afraid of masculine energy. Masculine energy has a tendency to push in and drive too fast, which seems more predatory. Horses like passive energy. It makes them feel safer. But that doesn't mean, as the horse owner, that you should avoid the firmer types of energy with your horse. Because in reality, horses can be afraid of farriers and vets too and they often project more masculine energy. You can't always avoid those guys.
If you have personally ever said... "my horse hates men." It's time to teach your horse to be okay with men. Don't avoid your horse's problems like some people who never allow masculine energy anywhere near their horse. Instead, Engage with your horse in a process to help them. You can't and shouldn't always try to fix the people that show up or avoid those people's problems altogether.
In the early stages of training with a new horse, when a new person shows up at my barn, I ask them to show a slower, more passive energy, but within a few sessions, I invite them to show more excited or assertive energy to test the horse's ability to cope. If the horse can't cope, then we know a training program must be written to train the horse to cope with other types of energy. The horse won't learn if they never get exposure.
If the exposure you give is coordinated and planned, the horse's experience can be one of learning rather than pain or fear. The bottom line is... don't avoid the problem. Address it.
COMMENT BELOW AND I'LL SEND YOU A SHORT VIDEO ON HOW I DEAL WITH HORSES THAT HATE MEN
10 Responses
Jodi
We just purchased a 16 QH from an English riding stable, previously from cow ranch out west. He has white spots from improper saddle fit while out west. I can ride the horse but when my husband tries to get on the horse, he runs off and even bucked my husband off. Suggestions welcome
Kim
I bought a horse that is 12 and was from the Amish, he is very skiddish and scared around my teen sons. He is very sweet and fine around me and my daughter. Please help.
Jane
My horse came over from Ireland over 10 years ago and no-one has managed to find out or help her with her fear of men (we think), especially farriers. We have had her now since before Christmas and would love to get her more relaxed so any tips would be really appreciated.
Danielle
I love this article!
I would like to learn how to “plan exposure” and be purposeful about what I’m doing. Do you have any information that would be helpful to me for calming down a very small older pony? I don’t want to scare her or try to “dominate” her because she’s so small. I want to be purposeful in her training and respect her as the animal she is, regardless of size. Thanks!
Eileen
The men who work at my barn have trouble catching and bringing my horse in to put in his stall. They often have to ask one of the women riders to go catch him. I am looking for a way to solve the problem.
Jessica C.
I would love some tips on how to help with this situation. I am definitely debating on having my more masculine energy family members work with him as well.
Kathleen Glielmi
I have heard of this myth. I liked the way you took gender out of the equation and spoke of energy. What is often thought of as masculine energy is not found only in men. I have had female friends and students who have that strong assertive energy. I refer to it as the T-Rex energy. One friend had a sweet horse who she was having trouble in jumping. The horse was rushing at the jumps, leaving a stride or two out, chipping in, running out or stopping. We went back to relaxation exercises and breathing rhythmically and slow suppling of the horse. We talked about energy and how our energy affects the horse. This student was a successful woman managing officer in a male dominated industry. Her job caused her to maintain a masculine energy to oversee male workforce. which carried over into her riding. As using breathing, relaxation and visualization helped her horse become more supple and relaxed, she found the horse was more willing to go to the jumps. She was riding in a waiting rhythm and the horse could now find a comfortable take off point. The charging, stopping and running out on the jumps stopped. She and some other students were driving their horses crazy. Some horses became faster and nervous while others shut down all due to the riders overwhelming energy.
I always smile when someone describes their horse as lazy or nervous /strong. When we talk about breathing, energy and visualization and how we are living batteries and how sensitive horses are and why riders think they need to kick, hit and clamp legs on the horse. They are surprised when the lazy horse begins to go forward without the rider seeming to do anything. The nervous horse begins to relax and develop a more steady waiting rhythm.
I loved your article it is what I believe and try to impart to students to make good partnerships
Chris
Don…I love your matter of fact approach to this issue! If the exposure you give is coordinated and planned, the horse’s experience can be one of learning rather than pain or fear. The bottom line is… don’t avoid the problem. Address it. Example: My boyfriend horse Montana has been to the AQHA Worlds in Working Cow, this horse is an “extreme athlete”! Although as a riding horse they have come in 16th out of 2500 competitors, this horse exhibits very different behaviors with my boyfriends energy vs. mine. He can casually walk out with a manure rake to clean a paddock and Montana will spin and run away like a bear was attacking him. On the contrary, I can walk out with the manure rack and scratch Montana all over his body with the rake. Don is right as rain…it’s all in energy!!! Masculine vs. Feminine. However, Montana has been the most difficult horse I have ever ridden because I have to rev-up my masculine intention & energy to communicate with this horse under saddle. However, on the ground at liberty, Montana demands my soft feminine energy or he will become very dominant. Montana is BEST horse I have played at liberty with, his connection and draw is on fire!!! Montana is an amazing teacher!
Jewls Rosso
I too have a 4yr old that is scared to death of men. He was abused by 3 different men before I got him. I have my husband whom is a muscular and thick man feed him daily and talk to him and now he can feed him treats by hand. I would love to see your video sharing ideas on helping him cope with men.
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Mary townsend
June 01, 2023
I have a 2 year old mini horse, this article explains perfectly. I have to fix this issue. I want her to be a therapy horse , so she has to be able to go around anyone.